baby Robbins #4

After we had Hadley, I had my colon removed and because of scar tissue we did IVF to get our Brightyn. We had one embryo still in the freezer. We had been praying about what to do with that embryo. I really did not want to be pregnant again with how scary each pregnancy has been. We had some women offer to be our surrogate but after much time and thought we didn't feel right about that direction. We kept praying, going to the Temple and talking about what we wanted to do with this last embryo. I went into the infertility clinic and started the process. They ended up finding polyps in my uterus and needed to clean it out before going forward with anything pregnancy related. I had the procedure done in September. We had planned to transfer the embryo my next menstrual cycle in October. My cycle is almost always 100% the exact same every month. When I was not starting we didn't think much of it. We thought maybe the procedure I just had done was messing with the timing. After about a week I decided maybe I should just take a test to be sure since we were waiting to begin the transfer. Well, that pregnancy test came back positive! We were pregnant and still had not used the embryo!

We were shocked to say the least. We told close family and were so excited. Then around 5 weeks I began to be sick. We learned I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I was SO sick. My mom took 4 weeks off work to be mom to my kids. Kellen took time off. Kellen's mom would come and help clean our house and do our laundry. We had meals coming from ward members a couple times a week. We had a neighbor taking Hadley to and from school. I was so sick I could not even be in the room with food. When food would come to our home I would have to shut my bedroom door and open the windows. The smell would make me throw up. Kellen would have to provide meals in the garage or at my parents house. I was getting 2 bags of IV fluids from home health every single day. Getting my veins poked 3+ times a day and usually every other day they would blow and need a new IV resulting in more and more pokes. I was literally in bed for 11 weeks straight. Not able to be a mom, wife, or human being. I have never felt so thirsty or hungry in my life. Finally I was able to start on steroids that helped me so much. They helped me not to throw up so much but I was still not able to be "normal". I was sick the entire pregnancy. Some days I could go for walks around the block and be there for my kids, other days I could not even get out of bed from being so sick. It was the longest pregnancy! I cried to Kellen daily saying how badly I wanted to be done with this pregnancy. I wanted myself back. All this was going on during the holidays. I could not even look at my phone. The motion would make me throw up. I did not buy one thing for Christmas. Kellen had to take over completely. Not only for Christmas but also for Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years, Kohen's birthday, Hadley's birthday, Easter and everything between.

 The day we found out. 

 We ended up telling the kids way sooner than planned. I was so sick and not even ever getting out of bed. Kohen kept asking why I was so sick and why I never got out of bed anymore. We told them and they were so excited. 

 Got my cerclage done at 13 weeks. This day they gave me so many amazing medications to help me feel good. It was probably the best day I had the entire pregnancy. 

 Brightyn was always getting bowls and pretending to throw up after watching me throw up all the time. 

 13 weeks. I went to Hadley's dance recital. First time out of the house in 8 weeks. Went with a barf bag in hand. paid for it later. 

 17 weeks. 

 One of many pretty bruises. My poor arms will never be the same. They have so much scar tissue. 

 I had the cutest ways we wanted to announce this pregnancy. I kept saying we would take the pictures when I felt better. Well, I never felt better and we never got the pictures I had planned. This was our picture in the end. 

 20 weeks. 

 24 weeks 

 We made a weekly countdown chain. We were all needing this pregnancy to be over. My kids missed having a mom, Kellen missed having a wife and I missed being with them. 

 29 weeks

 31 weeks 

32 weeks. The biggest I have EVER been in any pregnancy. Thank you steroids, fluids and ZERO exercise. I have never eaten so much gum or sour candy in my life. If there was a food I could eat, I would be eating that same food for weeks. I was scared of throwing up many things and avoided those foods so I could enjoy them when this misery was over. This pregnancy wrecked my body in more ways than one. I am so grateful my body was able to carry this baby but I am even more grateful that its over. I would tell Kellen all the time that I needed a sign to tell me that I was done having kids and that it would be ok.. I got my sign. Loud and clear. I can not go through this again. There is no way my family could go through this again. There is no way I could ask my family to go through this again. It is a huge relief knowing I wont ever be sick like I have been the last 8 months.