yep, we had another baby.

On May 9th I was having a pretty good day sick wise. I was sitting on my front porch watching Kellen mow the lawn and I got the weed killer and walked around killing some weeds we had in our front yard. Later on that day I noticed that I had not sat down and felt the baby kick since super early that morning. We went over to my parents house and I laid down on my left side trying to feel the baby kick. I laid there for about five minutes and kept telling Kellen I still haven't felt the baby. He suggested I go into labor and delivery. My sister called me to see how my day was going with me still feeling so sick. I mentioned to her that I was worried about the baby not moving and she said I should go in. Then my dad came into the family room and I told him I was laying trying to feel the baby kick. He said I just needed to go in. I gave it another three minutes, maybe? and I just felt like I needed to go in and get checked. Better to be safe than sorry. I had Kellen drive me just in case I did end up delivering that we didn't have two cars there. He dropped me off and I went in. They took me right back to a room and hooked me up to the machines. The baby's heart rate was 180 and higher. The heart rate wasn't going down. They sent the OB who was there in to talk to me. He asked about the steroid shots that I had just had the day before! He said he would call my OB and then be back. The nurses asked me "is your husband close by?" I answered "yeah we just live right up the street" hahaha "you might want to call him and have him get here". I was shocked to hear that but I got my phone and called him. He answered and I told him to come right away. He was on his way to get dinner for the kids and asked "how long do I have to get there?" The nurse said "He should get here now if he wants to be here for the delivery". They sent the ultrasound tech in to check on the baby. She did the ultrasound for thirty minutes. The baby did not take any practice breaths or move one time. Not a hand or anything. Fifteen minutes into the ultrasound she said she thought the baby was going to score 2/10. The 2 being for good fluid. The same score as Brightyn. The OB came in and had me sign all the papers to go ahead with the c-section. They took me back and Kellen got to come with and see everything! They put the spinal block in and then my OB showed up. I was so relieved to see him. We had discussed so much of my history. From births to my j-pouch. I wanted him there so bad. They started the surgery and then pulled the drape down as they pulled the baby out so I could see. They put the baby up by my face and Kellen looked down at me and said "It's a GIRL" We both were so shocked. again. We had a boy name set and ready to go but a girl name we had like eight names we both liked some more than others. Baby girl went straight back to the NICU and had very good apgar scores. After she left with the NICU my OB leaned over the drape to let us know what was happening inside my body. My c-section cut on my uterus with Brightyn was actually thinning. They said that if I would have kept contracting for even two days that she could have been born inside my body which would have been very scary for her and I both. That is why her heart rate was so high and she wasn't moving. I am so grateful that I went in and that we got her out before anything like that happened. I forgot to mention to anyone that I had a cerclage in but luckily my OB remembered and reminded everyone we needed to get that removed. He got one side of it but for some reason the other side was being tricky. They had to move my legs up like I was pushing a vaginal birth to get that thing. I could not feel my legs but I could just feel a bunch of pushing on my body. I felt like the cerclage removal took longer than anything else. While they were wheeling me into my recovery room my OB and Kellen went to check on the baby. My OB came in to let me know that the baby was doing amazing and that she weighed 4 pounds 14 ounces and 18 inches long. She was born at 34 weeks and 2 days.

baby Robbins #4

After we had Hadley, I had my colon removed and because of scar tissue we did IVF to get our Brightyn. We had one embryo still in the freezer. We had been praying about what to do with that embryo. I really did not want to be pregnant again with how scary each pregnancy has been. We had some women offer to be our surrogate but after much time and thought we didn't feel right about that direction. We kept praying, going to the Temple and talking about what we wanted to do with this last embryo. I went into the infertility clinic and started the process. They ended up finding polyps in my uterus and needed to clean it out before going forward with anything pregnancy related. I had the procedure done in September. We had planned to transfer the embryo my next menstrual cycle in October. My cycle is almost always 100% the exact same every month. When I was not starting we didn't think much of it. We thought maybe the procedure I just had done was messing with the timing. After about a week I decided maybe I should just take a test to be sure since we were waiting to begin the transfer. Well, that pregnancy test came back positive! We were pregnant and still had not used the embryo!

We were shocked to say the least. We told close family and were so excited. Then around 5 weeks I began to be sick. We learned I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I was SO sick. My mom took 4 weeks off work to be mom to my kids. Kellen took time off. Kellen's mom would come and help clean our house and do our laundry. We had meals coming from ward members a couple times a week. We had a neighbor taking Hadley to and from school. I was so sick I could not even be in the room with food. When food would come to our home I would have to shut my bedroom door and open the windows. The smell would make me throw up. Kellen would have to provide meals in the garage or at my parents house. I was getting 2 bags of IV fluids from home health every single day. Getting my veins poked 3+ times a day and usually every other day they would blow and need a new IV resulting in more and more pokes. I was literally in bed for 11 weeks straight. Not able to be a mom, wife, or human being. I have never felt so thirsty or hungry in my life. Finally I was able to start on steroids that helped me so much. They helped me not to throw up so much but I was still not able to be "normal". I was sick the entire pregnancy. Some days I could go for walks around the block and be there for my kids, other days I could not even get out of bed from being so sick. It was the longest pregnancy! I cried to Kellen daily saying how badly I wanted to be done with this pregnancy. I wanted myself back. All this was going on during the holidays. I could not even look at my phone. The motion would make me throw up. I did not buy one thing for Christmas. Kellen had to take over completely. Not only for Christmas but also for Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years, Kohen's birthday, Hadley's birthday, Easter and everything between.

 The day we found out. 

 We ended up telling the kids way sooner than planned. I was so sick and not even ever getting out of bed. Kohen kept asking why I was so sick and why I never got out of bed anymore. We told them and they were so excited. 

 Got my cerclage done at 13 weeks. This day they gave me so many amazing medications to help me feel good. It was probably the best day I had the entire pregnancy. 

 Brightyn was always getting bowls and pretending to throw up after watching me throw up all the time. 

 13 weeks. I went to Hadley's dance recital. First time out of the house in 8 weeks. Went with a barf bag in hand. paid for it later. 

 17 weeks. 

 One of many pretty bruises. My poor arms will never be the same. They have so much scar tissue. 

 I had the cutest ways we wanted to announce this pregnancy. I kept saying we would take the pictures when I felt better. Well, I never felt better and we never got the pictures I had planned. This was our picture in the end. 

 20 weeks. 

 24 weeks 

 We made a weekly countdown chain. We were all needing this pregnancy to be over. My kids missed having a mom, Kellen missed having a wife and I missed being with them. 

 29 weeks

 31 weeks 

32 weeks. The biggest I have EVER been in any pregnancy. Thank you steroids, fluids and ZERO exercise. I have never eaten so much gum or sour candy in my life. If there was a food I could eat, I would be eating that same food for weeks. I was scared of throwing up many things and avoided those foods so I could enjoy them when this misery was over. This pregnancy wrecked my body in more ways than one. I am so grateful my body was able to carry this baby but I am even more grateful that its over. I would tell Kellen all the time that I needed a sign to tell me that I was done having kids and that it would be ok.. I got my sign. Loud and clear. I can not go through this again. There is no way my family could go through this again. There is no way I could ask my family to go through this again. It is a huge relief knowing I wont ever be sick like I have been the last 8 months.