when do you tell the truth?

A lot of family and friends have been asking me how I feel since my face has lost a significant amount of water weight. I smile and say "I am alright", most of the time. Some days or people I can't just say that too, they can read through me. Honest? I am going through one of the hardest things in my life thus far... but how do you say that to people? If I said well I feel awful, I feel like I have no control, I feel lost, miserable some days and I feel like the old me other days. Telling everyone that I am alright keeps me from crying or doing everything I can to not cry in front of everyone who asks. A friends dad was over the other day buying something from Kellen and I and it meant so much to me that he cared about me enough to stay around and ask me how I have been but as I started to talk I couldn't keep talking without the tears.. I walked inside as soon as he left and as my sister also started to talk to me about it I broke down in her arms. Another reason it is hard to tell everyone what REALLY is going on with me is I don't know how some people will react, I don't know if they want the simple answer or if they want me to sit them down and tell them what is really going on with me. I can't get off the steroids no matter how many prayers, blessings and hope I have it seems. I am terrified after my colonoscopy, visiting the surgeon and knowing that taking my entire colon out is a serious option... a 3 step procedure that could take a year to do. I have not told many people about this because I don't want this and I try to never think about it even being an option and think I am going to be better this time but it never seems like I am. We do have one or two more options before we turn to the surgery but they are all a bit scary as well as the surgery. I am ready to know what option I should do and which will work. Kellen and I go to peoples houses and I honestly sit in the car while he goes in to visit or do whatever needed because I am embarressed of all the water weight. Some poeple have no idea what is going on with me and it is embarrassing to me. Have you ever not had control over something you want and have wanted your entire life? I have wanted to be a mom my entire life and I have been so excited knowing that Kellen will be a dad to our babies and once we got married we talked about when we wanted to start our family... we have no control over when we get to start our family and I think this is the hardest thing out of all of this mess.. Most husband and wifes get together and decide that they want to start their family or add to their family.. Kellen and I decided when and now we honestly don't have a say at all. The doctors get to decide and my body. I know I am so incredibly blessed to have the husband, family and doctors I have. I would not have made it through any of this without them. They are amazing and have made me feel like everything will work out in the end.