yep, we had another baby.

On May 9th I was having a pretty good day sick wise. I was sitting on my front porch watching Kellen mow the lawn and I got the weed killer and walked around killing some weeds we had in our front yard. Later on that day I noticed that I had not sat down and felt the baby kick since super early that morning. We went over to my parents house and I laid down on my left side trying to feel the baby kick. I laid there for about five minutes and kept telling Kellen I still haven't felt the baby. He suggested I go into labor and delivery. My sister called me to see how my day was going with me still feeling so sick. I mentioned to her that I was worried about the baby not moving and she said I should go in. Then my dad came into the family room and I told him I was laying trying to feel the baby kick. He said I just needed to go in. I gave it another three minutes, maybe? and I just felt like I needed to go in and get checked. Better to be safe than sorry. I had Kellen drive me just in case I did end up delivering that we didn't have two cars there. He dropped me off and I went in. They took me right back to a room and hooked me up to the machines. The baby's heart rate was 180 and higher. The heart rate wasn't going down. They sent the OB who was there in to talk to me. He asked about the steroid shots that I had just had the day before! He said he would call my OB and then be back. The nurses asked me "is your husband close by?" I answered "yeah we just live right up the street" hahaha "you might want to call him and have him get here". I was shocked to hear that but I got my phone and called him. He answered and I told him to come right away. He was on his way to get dinner for the kids and asked "how long do I have to get there?" The nurse said "He should get here now if he wants to be here for the delivery". They sent the ultrasound tech in to check on the baby. She did the ultrasound for thirty minutes. The baby did not take any practice breaths or move one time. Not a hand or anything. Fifteen minutes into the ultrasound she said she thought the baby was going to score 2/10. The 2 being for good fluid. The same score as Brightyn. The OB came in and had me sign all the papers to go ahead with the c-section. They took me back and Kellen got to come with and see everything! They put the spinal block in and then my OB showed up. I was so relieved to see him. We had discussed so much of my history. From births to my j-pouch. I wanted him there so bad. They started the surgery and then pulled the drape down as they pulled the baby out so I could see. They put the baby up by my face and Kellen looked down at me and said "It's a GIRL" We both were so shocked. again. We had a boy name set and ready to go but a girl name we had like eight names we both liked some more than others. Baby girl went straight back to the NICU and had very good apgar scores. After she left with the NICU my OB leaned over the drape to let us know what was happening inside my body. My c-section cut on my uterus with Brightyn was actually thinning. They said that if I would have kept contracting for even two days that she could have been born inside my body which would have been very scary for her and I both. That is why her heart rate was so high and she wasn't moving. I am so grateful that I went in and that we got her out before anything like that happened. I forgot to mention to anyone that I had a cerclage in but luckily my OB remembered and reminded everyone we needed to get that removed. He got one side of it but for some reason the other side was being tricky. They had to move my legs up like I was pushing a vaginal birth to get that thing. I could not feel my legs but I could just feel a bunch of pushing on my body. I felt like the cerclage removal took longer than anything else. While they were wheeling me into my recovery room my OB and Kellen went to check on the baby. My OB came in to let me know that the baby was doing amazing and that she weighed 4 pounds 14 ounces and 18 inches long. She was born at 34 weeks and 2 days.

baby Robbins #4

After we had Hadley, I had my colon removed and because of scar tissue we did IVF to get our Brightyn. We had one embryo still in the freezer. We had been praying about what to do with that embryo. I really did not want to be pregnant again with how scary each pregnancy has been. We had some women offer to be our surrogate but after much time and thought we didn't feel right about that direction. We kept praying, going to the Temple and talking about what we wanted to do with this last embryo. I went into the infertility clinic and started the process. They ended up finding polyps in my uterus and needed to clean it out before going forward with anything pregnancy related. I had the procedure done in September. We had planned to transfer the embryo my next menstrual cycle in October. My cycle is almost always 100% the exact same every month. When I was not starting we didn't think much of it. We thought maybe the procedure I just had done was messing with the timing. After about a week I decided maybe I should just take a test to be sure since we were waiting to begin the transfer. Well, that pregnancy test came back positive! We were pregnant and still had not used the embryo!

We were shocked to say the least. We told close family and were so excited. Then around 5 weeks I began to be sick. We learned I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I was SO sick. My mom took 4 weeks off work to be mom to my kids. Kellen took time off. Kellen's mom would come and help clean our house and do our laundry. We had meals coming from ward members a couple times a week. We had a neighbor taking Hadley to and from school. I was so sick I could not even be in the room with food. When food would come to our home I would have to shut my bedroom door and open the windows. The smell would make me throw up. Kellen would have to provide meals in the garage or at my parents house. I was getting 2 bags of IV fluids from home health every single day. Getting my veins poked 3+ times a day and usually every other day they would blow and need a new IV resulting in more and more pokes. I was literally in bed for 11 weeks straight. Not able to be a mom, wife, or human being. I have never felt so thirsty or hungry in my life. Finally I was able to start on steroids that helped me so much. They helped me not to throw up so much but I was still not able to be "normal". I was sick the entire pregnancy. Some days I could go for walks around the block and be there for my kids, other days I could not even get out of bed from being so sick. It was the longest pregnancy! I cried to Kellen daily saying how badly I wanted to be done with this pregnancy. I wanted myself back. All this was going on during the holidays. I could not even look at my phone. The motion would make me throw up. I did not buy one thing for Christmas. Kellen had to take over completely. Not only for Christmas but also for Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years, Kohen's birthday, Hadley's birthday, Easter and everything between.

 The day we found out. 

 We ended up telling the kids way sooner than planned. I was so sick and not even ever getting out of bed. Kohen kept asking why I was so sick and why I never got out of bed anymore. We told them and they were so excited. 

 Got my cerclage done at 13 weeks. This day they gave me so many amazing medications to help me feel good. It was probably the best day I had the entire pregnancy. 

 Brightyn was always getting bowls and pretending to throw up after watching me throw up all the time. 

 13 weeks. I went to Hadley's dance recital. First time out of the house in 8 weeks. Went with a barf bag in hand. paid for it later. 

 17 weeks. 

 One of many pretty bruises. My poor arms will never be the same. They have so much scar tissue. 

 I had the cutest ways we wanted to announce this pregnancy. I kept saying we would take the pictures when I felt better. Well, I never felt better and we never got the pictures I had planned. This was our picture in the end. 

 20 weeks. 

 24 weeks 

 We made a weekly countdown chain. We were all needing this pregnancy to be over. My kids missed having a mom, Kellen missed having a wife and I missed being with them. 

 29 weeks

 31 weeks 

32 weeks. The biggest I have EVER been in any pregnancy. Thank you steroids, fluids and ZERO exercise. I have never eaten so much gum or sour candy in my life. If there was a food I could eat, I would be eating that same food for weeks. I was scared of throwing up many things and avoided those foods so I could enjoy them when this misery was over. This pregnancy wrecked my body in more ways than one. I am so grateful my body was able to carry this baby but I am even more grateful that its over. I would tell Kellen all the time that I needed a sign to tell me that I was done having kids and that it would be ok.. I got my sign. Loud and clear. I can not go through this again. There is no way my family could go through this again. There is no way I could ask my family to go through this again. It is a huge relief knowing I wont ever be sick like I have been the last 8 months. 

baby makes 5

 This pregnancy was just like all my others. difficult. At 24 weeks I started to have contractions. We and my OB decided to do IV fluids daily to keep me hydrated which kept contractions down. I was also put on mild bed rest. which is as hard as it sounds having two kids.
At 29 weeks I started to bleed vaginally. My OB and maternal fetal medicine doctor (who I was seeing once a week to check cervix and twice a week for non stress tests) was concerned about the cerclage (placed at 13 weeks) tearing my cervix.
with having ultrasounds once a week we were checking to make sure my cervix wasn't shortening and that baby was growing. baby was growing at 4%. Good blood flow but still very small. which was new for my pregnancies.
We had plans to take out my cerclage at 34 weeks (June 16th) due to the bleeding.

June 8th was just an ordinary day. I was staying down as much as possible but noticed that baby wasn't moving. I tried sugar drinks and tootsie rolls while laying on my left side and doing the kick count. I would feel maybe two moves in one hour but not big kicks like I was used to. I was feeling nervous since this baby was usually a wild thing. I had an appointment for NST the next morning and kept thinking I could just wait till then to make sure the baby was ok. I kept laying on my left side and trying to feel movement to comfort my decision. I wasn't getting that.
I decided I was going to go into labor and delivery. Its not like I had not already been in there 5 other times this pregnancy, whats one more time?
Baby's heart rate was not accelerating at all. They watched for a while and then sent me over to get an ultrasound to see baby's fluid and movement. They have a scale of 10 and the baby got 2/10. The 2 points were for good fluid. They did the ultrasound for THIRTY MINUTES straight and saw not one movement or practice breath from baby. not one! The OB on call was so kind to me. He kept telling me that we might have to deliver the baby tonight but he would let my OB give the final say.

They called my OB and he said that we had to deliver TONIGHT and that he was on his way. I lost it. I have not set foot in the NICU since Kohen was in there. (Hadley was in there but only for 24 hours and I was not able to go down due to recovery) The on call OB told me to call Kellen to come since this baby was coming asap. I kept crying and apologizing for crying so much. He kept telling me that I made the right decision for my baby coming in that night, which made me cry more. He kept saying "your husband will be here soon" and looked very uncomfortable. The nurse came in to move me to a delivery room and admit me. She left me in the room to get dressed. My phone had died earlier, right after I had told Kellen to ask my parents to watch Kohen and Hadley and to get to the hospital. I went into the delivery room to change and decided to call and make sure Kellen was close. He didn't answer (not a surprise) so I tried my mom's phone to make sure he had left. I cried and cried talking to her. I could hardly talk. Having a premature baby is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I didn't know if I could go through it again emotionally.
They opened the door and asked if I was ready to go. I had not even changed yet! They couldn't do the work fast enough. before they even had blood work done the room was prepped and ready to go. I went back and got all numb before Kellen came back. The C-section went great even though I wasn't expecting to feel so much pulling and tugging on my body. They were able to put up a clear drape so I could see them pull baby out! When they pulled the baby out I heard crying (I have never had a baby come out crying before) My OB put baby up to the clear drape right by our faces and Kellen announced it is a GIRL! 3 pounds 4 ounces of perfection.
Kellen and I had boy names we agreed on... but girl names we had two different lists. They took me back to the delivery room and Kellen came back in after going to the NICU with baby girl to make sure everything was ok. My mom showed up! She came and waited outside while Kohen was born to come in and be with me when Kellen went with him to the NICU right after birth. She realized a while after Kellen had left that this would be the same thing and she needed to be there for me.
I didn't want to tell anyone the gender till we had a name. But we ended up telling her if she promised not to tell anyone. We got our list of names out and started to discuss which ones we could agree on. Kellen's name he loved was Paisley.
The names I loved were Brightyn and Holland.

We kept discussing it and I told Kellen we could nickname her B and he was SOLD!
I felt like I had been through so much in such a short amount of time I was a bit emotionally drained. I felt like my body was in a bit of shock. I kept telling Kellen I wasn't sure if it was her name. I was so convinced she was a boy that I was needing to let it sink in that she was a girl and that she was already here before naming her.
As we visited her more and more I knew she was our Brightyn. 

 meeting her big brother and sister for the first time. (not how I pictured it)

 Brightyn stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks and 2 days. She was a little rockstar. She took a bottle the day she was born! She kept growing and eating all her feedings. She came home at 3 pounds 15 ounces. SO TINY! It was so special being back with all the nurses who saved Kohen's life, took care of Hadley and now got to take care of Brightyn. We have such a special place in our hearts for these men and women. I could never thank them enough for the work they did. because of them I am a mom to these 3 perfect kids.

We all love this little girl more than I can say. She has brought such a sweet spirit to our family. Some days I just cry holding her. Knowing that she started out as just a tiny embryo and is now our sweet baby Brightyn.

Hadley turns 3

 The last picture of my baby as a 2 year old 

 hahaha she sleeps so crazy. 

 We did a candy theme birthday party because this girl will do ANYTHING for candy or sweets of any kind. She was SO excited to pick out all the candy for her party with me. Grandma Trina made her cake and did an awesome job. She even added donuts which Hadley absolutely LOVES.

  because we were doing a candy theme birthday party I did not plan for a pinata. The day before we celebrated her birthday she was talking to me about how excited she was for the pinata at her birthday party.. rush to the store we went!!! Good thing we did because it was the hit at the party again.

She was so sweet to give everyone hugs for the sweet gifts they brought and for coming to her party. She even thanked Abi and Ava for helping set up her party. just the way she said party was so cute I loved hearing her say it over and over.

 Hadley was also lucky that on her birthday day it was dance day yay!! She wanted to take donuts for her friends and couldn't wait to eat one the second she got home.

 The only other thing she wanted for her birthday was her ears pierced. She was pretty nervous about the guy just because she is always more nervous around men. She cried more with the first ear but was way good for the second. I was not ready to get earrings but she wanted them so bad and loves them so much. She still loves to show them off to people.

We came home that night and sang Happy birthday to our baby girl and let her eat a cup cake. Candy makes this girls entire day! 

We love our Hadders and couldn't imagine our life without her. She is hilarious, stubborn, determined and loving. She says I love you so often and loves to give kisses (when its her idea) She loves gymnastics- her favorite part is the bars. She still loves dance and can't wait for dance class each week. She loves nursery especially now that Grandpa Randy is one of her teachers. She can't wait to be the big sister and I can't wait to watch her step into that role :) 

Kohen turns 4

 The last picture of my 3 year old!! 

 Kohen was introduced to paw patrol by his Grandma Trina and has been in love with it ever since. He was SO excited to have a paw patrol party and invite some of his friends and school friends.

 yes, we didn't have plates.. just dog bowls to eat out of haha 

I was actually really nervous to have a friend party with him being so young but he was so excited to have his friends come play and everything be paw patrol. The hit of the party was the pinata. no surprise there. Grandma Trina was also so sweet to make Kohen's birthday cake that he thought was so cool being a huge dog bone. We celebrated the next day (sunday) with family. He loved running wild with cousins and eating more cake!
I can not believe I have a four year old. We are hoping this year brings a happier, better behaved Kohen. He is so smart. He loves to learn but has hit a stubborn spot and is just wanting to review things he knows which we are ok with. He is ready to read but has no interest. He knows how to trick us parents now and is dang good at it. He is obsessed with playing monster and hide and seek. He has the most contagious laugh and the cutest smile. We love him more and more every day and know we are so beyond blessed he is in our family.

baby makes 3

 Kellen and I had decided we wanted to start trying for another baby. We knew there was a possibility that it could take longer or we would have to get extra help because of my colon being removed. We tried for 13 months before going to the fertility doc we saw before we had Kohen and Hadley. We started the week after talking to him with the intentions of doing IUI. ^^ picture above is the box of shots and hormones for me to give myself!!!

 When I went in for an ultrasound to see how many follicles we had after the shots, etc.. we had 7! (I wasn't even on the amount of hormones as normal woman who does IUI, I was on less!!!) With having Kohen so early and knowing that we didn't want multiples because of the high risk of premature birth the doctor said there is no way he would continue with IUI for me. He knew we would get multiples because of how many follicles were mature. We moved on to IVF knowing we would only transfer one egg that hopefully wouldn't split! This is a picture of me Kellen took when he came to pick me up after they retrieved the eggs. November 4th

 Transfer day!! This is November 9th.. the day they transfered our embryo into me!!

 The day we found out from the blood test and urine test that we are expecting another Robbins babe!!

My 5 week baby bump picture. It is kinda weird that two weeks after placing the embryo into my uterus that I was 5 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has been the longest pregnancy already. I had to give myself progestrone shots for 10 weeks and they made me miserably sick. I tried to convince my doctor to let me stop but because of IVF I had to continue. Once I was done with them I was feeling like my other two pregnancies which was better than this. FOR SURE.

My kids are SO excited. We may have told them I was expecting too soon because they were so excited and Kohen kept telling people before we were ready. Kohen now thinks its a boy and Hadley will only talk about it being a girl. I asked her if she will be ok if it is a boy, she started cry and said she will fight with it if its a boy. Hadley is also convinced she has a baby in her belly as well. She is always saying if she eats too much her baby will get a tummy ache, or if Kohen hits her she says he hurt her baby. It is so funny!

We are due July 28th but the doctor will only let me go to 37 weeks tops because of the pressure that will be on my j-pouch the bigger the baby gets.